Identifying your emotions will have you showing up as your best self

Jacquie Hefner
Jun 4, 2023
3 min read

How we feel profoundly impacts how we perform. It’s only through identifying our emotions that we shift from reactively moving through life to actively choosing how we show up in the next moment.

We take control over our mental state and actions by identifying our emotions and intentionally deciding to show up as the best possible version of ourselves.

Emotion Wheel by Abby Van Muijen

Over the past three years, more and more has fallen outside our sphere of influence. We’ve experienced an increase in demands, chronic stress, and constant change -- which causes us to feel overwhelmed.

Honesty is the first step to feeling in control of our life: Asking ourselves, "how am I feeling?" and responding with an honest appraisal of our emotions.

How we feel profoundly impacts how we perform.

Our emotions and how we feel impacts our decisions.
Our decisions impact our behavior.
Our behavior impacts our interactions with those around us.

Emotions are data from the environment.

Emotions answer the questions:

Am I safe?
What should I do about it?

Emotions control our physiology.

Emotions impact our biology and psychology. When we're aware of how we're feeling, we’re able to respond thoughtfully and intentionally. If we’re not aware, we risk responding and acting out of reaction to a comment or question.

Intentional vs automatic reactions result in different outcomes:

Intentional reaction: I feel safe. I am consciously in control. Result: intentional management of my state (through the management of emotions and actions).
Automatic reaction: I do not feel safe. My subconscious takes over. Result: fight, flee (‘flight’), or freeze (my subconscious is protecting me from perceived danger).

We raise our emotional intelligence by naming our emotions.

When we name our emotions, we:

Are more attuned to the emotions of others.
Create space to take in new information.
Make intentional decisions with the information we have on hand.
Don't allow our emotions to control our reactions.

We regain control over our emotional state and decisions by auditing our emotions.

Reflection leads to regulation.

Think about how you’re feeling right now. Be honest and specific.

On the surface: What emotions are you aware of that might be driving your behavior in this moment?
Underneath the surface: What are you feeling underneath (in your subconscious) that might be driving your behavior over time? There is a subcurrent of emotions that might be pushing/pulling you along from one day to the next (one week to the next…one month to the next)?

Start each response with: "I feel (emotion)."

“I feel” is based on human physiology.
I’m telling my psychology that the emotion is just a feeling.
Feelings are transient and can be managed.

It is not necessary to explain why you feel the way you do. You do not need to justify your emotions. Acknowledging and naming emotions provides your body and mind with information. This information is used to make sense of the world and determine if you're safe.

Avoid the phrase: “I am (emotion).”

I am = identity.
The phrase "I am" declares that you are something.
Identify is not transient. Identity is the essence of you.
As soon as you declare that you are ‘something,’ your subconscious (and then your conscious) will move into the physiological state you declared.

Human beings are complex. We have the ability to feel multiple emotions simultaneously.

Name every emotion that you're feeling.
We can feel contradictory emotions in the same moment.
The question to ask: Which emotion is driving my behavior in this moment?

Change your state by choosing a behavior that allows you to serve yourself and others well.

Decide & Take Action

Consciously decide to show up as the best possible version of yourself in every moment -- regardless of how you're feeling. Recognize your emotions and then choose how you want to show up in the next moment.

In any moment: